Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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