i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
