Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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