theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize