I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
how can u be prego again
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
