I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
