She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
