I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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