i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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