We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
