i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
