She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
