Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
