i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
