She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
