gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
