HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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