I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
