Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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