i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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