Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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