You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
