So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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