u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
