Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I could fuck to npr.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
