well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
