Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
