Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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