Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
