LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
