bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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