I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
