My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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