How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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