My room smells like vodka and shame
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
