curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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