Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
