Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
