i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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