So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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