My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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