Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
