No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
