2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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