I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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