Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
