goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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