I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
