weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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