So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
