when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
